Am I unemployable?
It’s not like I’m at a low point, or I’m really annoyed about this but it’s something that does pop into my head quite regularly. I work hard, sometimes harder than my colleagues around me (if I can call them that) they wouldn’t think of me as such, that’s what you get when you’re a volunteer.
Yup, pretty much my whole working life I’ve been volunteering or doing odd jobs, but am I unemployable? I’m beginning to wonder.. Let’s go back to the beginning shall we?
School & College
I left school in July 2008, with almost zero qualifications. Why don’t they ever speak to you about jobs? It was always just “choose what you want to do” not choose what will find you a job.
I’d passed Literature with a C. ICT and Science with C’s and everything else I failed, even English language (yup, I know). After school I sort of panicked, I was a brought up in a strict background (Will talk about that in future) so whilst growing up we were encouraged to stay with each other, not to talk to new people and not to go out of the house really. So when it got to leaving to go to college I just shut myself off and stayed where I knew, Sixth form.
With the qualifications I had, I wasn’t getting into college and I was certainly not getting into any of the classes I wanted.
So I chose Travel and tourism and a make-up for English..it went on for two years, on the spare days and holidays I’d work for my sister in her small business. I needed the money, but sales and unorganised office work was just not for me and I came away with a Level 3 in Travel and Tourism, Flight training to boot but no job lined up.
I was under qualified and had no experience, thus making me unemployable.
From June 2010 to May 2012 I was unemployed. (signed on for some)
I’d taken on a part-time job as and when she needed me and I’d signed on for around 8 months in small periods. Along with that I’d started selling some hand crafted jewellery on the side. It was something I could control myself and made me really feel like I could achieve something. I’d also started to battle with my weight so created my first blog!
From June 2012 until November 2012 I was training.
As a Nursery Assistant (which I thought would help me become Teaching support qualified) and was being paid £2.10 an hour 11-hour shifts, 5 days a week.The building was not regulatory and was struggling with Ofsted, I was a zombie, completely miserable and just not myself. not to mention the staff were mistreating the kids, nothing physical but I couldn’t handle it, I reported them and left.It really made me feel like I wasn’t suited to working for someone, it made me feel unemployable. £115 a week but £70 in travel & uniform meant I was coming home with nothing.
From January 2013 until March.I volunteered & March- August 2013 I was training
In my mums school for 2 months and found a love for the environment so went back to finish my level 3 Nursery assistant qualification. I again, worked for pennies It went up to £3.25 an hour but for less hours, either way I was so happy to be making some money and be almost qualified, so I stuck with it. I actually really enjoyed the nursery I was in but I knew it wasn’t for me… I missed being in a school and I secretly missed working for myself too. I was making £97.50 a week but £70 in travel & uniform (again) so It was a bit aggravating.
From August 2013 – August 2014 I was unemployed (signed on for some)
I really don’t know what happened at this point in my life. There was a big jolt where I realised I’d mistreated myself for the past few years, I’d become bulimic during November 2012- May 2013 & really desperately wanted to get into health and fitness so I kicked back into my blogging again. I worked hard to lose the weight I’d gained being miserable for 3 years, I took 10 driving lessons but couldn’t afford to continue…
I needed a kick up the bum so I took myself into the job centre. Told them I will not be singing on but to find me a job. The placed me in their MET team,people who speak to businesses about volunteers working for them. I worked there for 3 weeks until I found a college course starting September and I lined a REAL JOB up for the October. I’m not unemployable!
September 2014 – March 2014 I was studying, volunteering & working
Yup, I a real job. A real qualification and working in a real school- volunteering but I was happy, it was My school. So I’m not unemployable! Someone actually wanted me! The job wasn’t really what I wanted to be doing but it was £220 a week for the first 2 months. Whilst I had no school, then the money dropped to £60 a week whilst I was studying and as large high street fast-paced retail job, I can’t tell you who it was as my reason for leaving was sexual harassment.
However, trying to report/sort that out was chaos, but I got through that and I really do believe things like that make you stronger (along with my previous battle with bulimia). So I had a job, but only for 4 months..after that I was just back to volunteering.
September 2015- May 2016 I’m studying and volunteering
Yup, again..still studying, still volunteering..still no money. I get the odd bit of money from the jewellery and sometimes I sell on some clothes. Perhaps once a month I get the odd ££ from the website and it’s really taken me to fantastic places but..you can’t cash experiences in, can you? Well, they’re in my memory bank but I’m not paying for a house on memories. So,
What makes me unemployable?
Is it that I like to work by myself? Yes & no. I love having my sites, being able to work the hours I want and not having to listen to a ‘boss’ per-say but I love to work as a team and I hate how quite it is it work by myself. I need human interaction!
Is it that people don’t like me? I hope not, I mean I’ve never really had a work spat but I do get frustrated with others, I find myself having to bite my tounge constantly. In all of the jobs I’ve had I’ve felt left out because I won’t eat what they eat, I don’t speak how they do and I won’t mistreat the system like they do, treat the customers badly or the kids..
Is it that I’m unrelable? Probably. It’s not something I admit lightly but in all of the jobs I’ve had I got to work early or on time but in all the volunteer jobs I’ve had I’m late or I don’t turn up. Which is awful but there’s just something that fights against it. Yeah, I’m unreliable but I’m working all hours of the week and I’m doing it for free so fuck off. Let me have a day off if I have tonsilitis.
Is it me or them?
Like I said, Every job I’ve had has been awful (other than the two schools I volunteered in) but is that because I’m choosing to see the negatives or that I’m choosing the wrong jobs? Who knows? I constantly get told to “just get on with it” but when a child is being abused (a nursery I worked in – and left was very rough with the children), I’m being sexually harassed (a retail job is not worth feeling worthless when your being harassed) or the pay isn’t worth getting out of bed. How can you just ignore the fact that you’re miserable at work?
I want to get out of bed and be motivated to work. With my blog I feel like it’s a reason to do just that – It makes me happy and it makes me want to work. I am scraping by creating a small income on the website but hopefully, in the future it will be sustainable for me to work from home. Set up a shop or small business..
So maybe I just haven’t found a paying job that I love yet but hopefully, I’ll get there and hopefully, it’ll be soon. Do you love your job?