In a cold room she sits,
Alone amid her thoughts.
Fat or Fit, you shout and call.
What to believe,
If anything at all.

Emotions run high,
‘She’s sensitive’ You say.
Don’t talk  to me like that
and I won’t run away….                                                                  

From you, from this.

You don’t know me, or know my pain,
If you could feel this you wouldn’t say it again.
You laugh and joke like it’s all okay,
but that word hurts and I want to say..
Bulimia is never forgotten and will never go away.

“Piece written with family and ‘friends’ in mind, those who are closest hurt you the most” 

I am a strong person, yes. I am now anyway..
I was weak minded for along time, where I had no drive to keep fit and nothing seemed to be going right for me my dark times lead to bulimia. People, whoever they may be will call me ‘larger’, chubby, curvy with a big build.

People, whoever they may be will call me ‘larger’… “The chubby girl” or curvy with a big build.
When I made that change to make myself better I wasn’t greeted with congratulations, Nor did I expect to be for that matter, but what hurt was I was told I was obsessed.  That I was ‘not eating’ and being stupid for only eating healthily, I was anti-social because I didn’t sit in a pub for 4 hours every week and i’d only eat salads and chicken drumsticks at the family barbeques..

 My inner strength comes from those negative thoughts, people who don’t understand how important my health is to me, not because of obsession but because I love the way I feel, I love what I’ve learnt!  but..yeah, sometimes it breaks me down… so,yes, I can be emotional, yes I get angry, because the people in my life..the ones that mean the most? Say hurtful things daily. I have a whole group of people, who love me, dragging me down, that’s a whole group of reasons daily to give up, sometimes more than that.

Comments like ‘ you exercise so much, why’re you so big?’ ‘You’d think you’d be a size 8 with all that exercise’ or just not being offered food at family events because ‘you’d say no to it so I don’t offer now’ If it is food i’ve been eating for 3 years you should know what I am capable of eating. The thing is I’m becoming more and more inclined to join in and eat rubbish because it’s “the done thing” 

The thing is I’m becoming more and more inclined to join in and eat rubbish because it’s “the done thing” 

Don’t let social pressure get to you, be better than that.