Diary of a not-so fat girl- I’m THAT woman now.

It’s all really wierd for me.
I guess I haven’t really gotten used to being the size, shape and health that I am now. Everyone knows, I haven’t always looked like this and trained like this, it took time,a hell of a lot of it. It took tears and sweat and most of all it took loving myself. I’m not one for quick fixes, well not anymore.
When I was younger I suffered from image issues. I hae documented my struggles with bulimia and have multiple diaries counting my calories and weightloss (look in the archives). It was a really difficult period in my life and I had no understanding of what health was. My mindset was completely different, it was about the quick fix and i felt like it was unachievable to be slim and ‘toned’.
The women in the adverts lied and the women in real life never ate…
I didn’t know what to do -I’d read tips like;  ‘add an apple in your bag when you need a sugary fix’ or ‘Try water before a meal’ how about ‘eat a balanced healthy diet’ – What does that mean?
I was confused and information was coming at me from all angles but not of it made sense. I’d mutter to myself and whine to others making excuses and trying to just do as little as possible. We’re told by a lot of media outlets that ‘anything is better than nothing’ but, anything is not about achieving health. it’s about not gaining weight. I thought I was achieving something by ‘moving my feet’ I could slim down, by eating veg I was helping myself.
From 2009-2014 when I did restrictive diets I invested a lot of time trying to eat less

  • Melon diet,
  • Soup diet,
  • Atkins,
  • Seeds (snacking on seeds),
  • Cutting fats, cutting meats, cutting carbs,
  • Water fuelling (drinking excessive water),
  • Salad diet ( 2 salads a day) and one meal,
  • Diuretics,
  • paper (yes, eating paper)

I’ve realised now, I’m that women that people get pissed off at, I recently gave advice to someone to keep fruit with her at all times, “it’s great if you want sugar, its right there for you, I love apples”

It really struck me as odd. I never felt (bbefore now) that I’d ever become someone healthy, become someone who people look to for advice. Even after my nutrition courses and research. I still felt like I didn’t know much about health. I love what I am now, I love exercise and I love, I REALLY love the fact that I changed myself, because I put in the effort, failed on diets, failed on exercise but I kept getting up and I found something that worked for me.

Health is different for everyone and a ‘healthy’ diet can be as tricky as a puzzle. Each piece looking different from everyones perspective. Find an elimination diet and do what makes your body feel good.

” I am confident, I am free.”

You can be that too – I truly believe that confidence is key, maybe you don’t have it now, I didn’t. I earned it, I told myself I will lose 3lbs and eat 1600 calories for 1 month, I did. I then upped the goal (and my calories)…the more I achieved the greater I felt and looked, and I was so in t habit that it became apart of my routine and I felt lost without it. I now run 6k every week (I take almost 2 hours and really just stroll.) but it keeps me active and I love it.

I have earned what I have now, I earned my mindset and body. You can too.

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